Compassion for others begins with kindness for ourselves. -Pema Chodron

I have been reflecting lately. As I look back on the last year, I strongly suspect that the theme of my 28th rotation around the sun was the realization that we’re all just trying to be our best selves using what we have. I feel as if that’s true enough statement for most of us. When I use the term ‘best’, it’s really just a quick and easy way of describing a state in my body, mind and heart that is safe, content and calm: like my own brand of homeostasis. It’s not just on a chemical or physiological level, it’s on a mental, emotional, physical and long-term sustainability level, too.  My ‘best’ state is my most ideal way of being, if you will.

 

I think a lot of people struggle not only to achieve their best state, but to even try to wrestle with what it means to be their best self. It’s such a unique thing, person to person, day to day. How am I supposed to know what that even is or looks like and how do I even begin to deal with maintaining it because it’s constantly changing? Eep. Just eep!

 

The last few years have seen the rise of trends such as mindfulness. The idea of being awakened, the rise and popularization of positivity as an often stringent mindset (Good Vibes Only!).  There is a proliferation of ideas relating to self-care: anything from the ‘Art of Tidying’ (thank you, Mari Kondo), to the increase of therapeutic strategies and concepts, due in large part to social media.

These include things like self-parenting, self-soothing, care relating to triggers, creating and maintaining boundaries, cultivating a practice of self-awareness or checking in. The list goes on and on, but at the core, aren’t these practices really things that people subscribe to or adopt in an attempt to deal with their lives? Or to try to find and ultimately maintain a state of calm, contentedness, safety, support and joy? 

The above are by and large coping mechanisms or mentalities that people adopt in order to make sense of this world, to better manage the anxieties and challenges that come with modern living. Are they bad? Are they good? Does it matter? At the end of the day, aren’t we all just gunning towards being able to feel healthy, happy, safe and confident in our own skins and within the constraints that create the lives we lead by doing what we can, when we can do it?  

Isn’t this all about trying to just be our best selves?

I can’t begin to describe what the point of life is. I don’t know the answer. I don’t even know what my own calling or purpose is, what my life is meant for.  Maybe that’s for me to discover during my 29th rotation around the sun. We are all muddling through life.  I am muddling through too and I can’t claim to be able to plot a trajectory or a course of action that works for everyone.

Like everyone else, I  cope with life in ways that are a unique blend of the resources that I have at my disposal and the concessions I’m willing to make to feel good in my body and in my mind while also maintaining an economic position that makes me feel safe in general, ultimately affording me the ability to worry less about actual resources and focus more on how I am really feeling. Priorities, resources and goal differ for each individual.

What is an effective way for me to achieve my ‘best’ is not the same for others. I’m a workaholic; it’s true. I don’t encourage anyone else to select that particular path, but it’s one that presently works for me. Will that always be the case? Only time will tell.

What I can say more broadly, though, is that when I realized that we’re all just literally trying to live our best lives, it allowed me to become more compassionate. I may not understand your choices, your rationalities or your decisions but frankly, it’s none of my business. I may not know your struggles or your challenges, but I can appreciate that life is hard, the struggle is real, and that given what you have, you’re doing your best.  When I am seeing that, feeling that, knowing that, then I can certainly do my best to try to be more understanding, more accepting, and more supportive. While I don’t know your specifics, I do believe in my bones that you’re doing your best. And that’s enough, valid and amazing.

 

Here’s some real talk now:

When we step onto our mats, when we enter the hot room or any type of practice space, we’re making a commitment to become a healthier version of ourselves: mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally. This is a fact. We acknowledge the feelings in our bones; the tightness or stiffness of our joints or the fluidity of the muscles as they move against one another.  We are assessing our bodies and we’re taking inventory on what we have to work with in that moment, on any given day.

When we modify a posture or take a child’s pose, when we try a new pose for the first time, fail, try again, when we nail that posture for the first time, when we pause to take a breath, give ourselves permission to take a sip of water, ask for help, reach for a block to make a pose more accessible or when we look for options that suit us more and take those alternative poses because they serve us better even though no one else is, we’re acknowledging the resources we have at our disposal. We are recognizing our capabilities. We’re doing our best with what we have in that moment, in that day. Acknowledging that is a way of expressing compassion to ourselves.

When you allow that compassion to show up in your practice, when you let yourself make adjustments or pause to just breathe even at times when you’re not on your yoga mat, you’ll start to be more compassionate to yourself in general as a result. Not just in the practice, but for moments in your day. In practicing compassion for yourself, you’ll likely be more compassionate to those around you. We can really help each other by being supportive in the ways that we can, knowing what we have to give in the moment. Or learning to communicate better during the times when we can’t. Maybe that’s a step towards understanding. Maybe that’s a step towards connection. And maybe, just maybe, that’s how you build community.

 

With love, Rose