Tag: self care

A love letter to my practice

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Let me preface this post by acknowledging first and foremost that different bodies crave different things. The things that make my muscles sing will result in different sensations for any other body and that’s part of the beauty of our individuality. We’re composed differently, our experiences may be similar or vastly varied.  My life and habits may deviate greatly from another’s, although we may be similar in age, size or situation. We each live unique lives and our practices are just as unique as a result.

… Alternatively, we may be more similar than we like to think. 

One thing that I know that we all share within this community is a common love of movement and the desire to move and also a subconscious desire for stillness, in turn, too.

In my practice, my love for movement is one of the driving reasons why I practice, and I may not be wrong in saying that likely applies to others too. For whatever reason, we’ve all found our way to Modo. Many with the desire to move our bodies towards greater physical mobility.  I think, though, that we may also have been subconsciously drawn to Modo for mental mobility: a desire stemming from feeling mentally or emotionally ‘stuck’. Physical movement is definitely the reason why I started.

Over these years, it’s really the opportunity to mentally move away from the other daily ‘stuff’ that motivates me to come back.  This knowledge that I can find stillness and space on my mat is particularly motivating when I feel the least like practicing; even on those days, I grudgingly know it’s something I need in my headspace and my life space.

The unity of breath and the sense of unity in community that is experienced when we move together acts as a tether to ground but also nurture. When we are moving though a yoga practice, there’s so much less consideration for the future or the past. It’s refreshing. It’s a reset from day to day routine, concerns, worries, troubles or fears.  It’s how it feels to be present. When the day-to-day miasma sets in, my practice is a step in the right direction towards mental and emotional clarity. And maybe that’s the biggest reason why I love it. Thank goodness.

I practice for a number of reasons and I honestly believe I am a calmer, happier and more kind person for it. 

What I practice on any given day is dictated greatly by external and internal constraints. Okay, Rose, back up here – what does that even mean? What I mean is: how much time I have and what I have going on in my life has a direct correlation to when I physically show up on my mat.  What I’m hoping to practice or my raison d’etre for being on my mat is largely driven by what’s going on in my brain and what’s happening with my emotions. 

I flow when I’m upset, angry or uncertain or feeling stubborn or grouchy; flow is for when I’m feeling disconnected from my body or when I need inspiration or I want something fun. Flow is like taking a beach day when you need a break or a pick-me-up.  It doesn’t make the source of the issue go away, but it goes a long way in creating perspective, ya know?

I yin when I’m sad or feeling lost; if I’ve had a long day, if I need to climb out of my head or if I need a reality check, or space from something, such as a story I’ve created in my mind and I need to get away from.  I also yin when I’m feelin’ lazy and I have no regrets about this. 😉

I practice Modo to build strength, to bring myself back to the reason why I love yoga, to remind myself of all the things I have to be grateful for: amazing mentors, supportive friends, loving family, a place to just be.  To me, Modo, is a way to check in wth myself, to feel appreciation in how far I’ve come, and to feel inspired towards what will come next.

Science tells us that yoga is beneficial to us in a number of ways. I think we can all agree that yoga has helped us in some capacity whether it be physical, mental, emotional or even spiritual.  In some way, we individually find solace on our mats.

I practice for my body. I practice for my mind. And also I practice in order to maintain balance in my busy life. I practice for my emotional good. I practice because in doing so I can honour my body, my mind and my spirit and pay tribute to all of the wonderful things in my life that have led me to where I am now. 

xo

Rose

Listen to Your Teacher

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Have you ever taken a yoga class in which the teacher teaches something really new and fun – a different variation on a standard pose, for example – that fires you up and gets you excited, and you can’t wait to do it again the next class… But then the teacher doesn’t teach it?!?

So, you’re there, in the pose, waiting for that cue to get funky, but it doesn’t come. You think about just going ahead and doing it anyway, but you’re not sure about the etiquette in these situations… Allow me to clear that up for you!

Always, always, always listen to your teacher, even when you don’t want to. There are lots of good reasons why – here are just a few:

1) It’s a sign of respect. Back in the day, yoga teachers and students worked one-on-one, and the teacher was highly revered. The student was expected to do everything the teacher told him (yes, him – yoga was not traditionally practiced by women). Now, your teachers at MYH don’t fancy themselves to be gurus, but they are highly-trained professionals, and should be respected as such. It is simply a mark of respect to follow their guidance and do what they are asking you to do. Of course, if you need to modify for an injury, then go ahead, but it’s always a good idea to give a heads up before class so that the teacher understands why you’re doing your own thing.

2) It’s for the safety of the class. Again, all of your teachers at MYH are super well-trained, and they know what’s best for the class. They can gauge whether or not a variation is appropriate for a group, and they will teach to the ability of the class. Even if you feel you’re more advanced than other students and you feel you can safely do something different, well, see point number one! There is lots of time after class for you to work on other variations – and if you ask, your teacher will generally be more than happy to help you!

3) It helps to maintain the vibe. The best classes are the ones where everyone is in sync and feeding off one another’s energy – everyone is moving together and breathing together, and it just feels amazing… Until someone goes rogue and starts doing their own thing. Then suddenly everyone is distracted. They start looking around, wondering if they missed something, if they should try that too… And then they start comparing themselves, judging themselves and others, and then that beautiful, cohesive vibe is gone!

4) It keeps that pesky ego in check. This is probably the toughest one. Usually, when we want to do something different, it’s to do a “harder” variation. But who does that serve? No one really, except your ego. The Modo series is considered a beginner’s yoga series, and it should be practiced with what we call a “beginner’s mind.” So, while maybe you can bind your arms in triangle, or take wheel instead of bridge, it doesn’t mean you should. In fact, it is usually more challenging to hold back, to be humble, to respect what your teacher is saying, and to look for the learning opportunities that come from that. Hard, right? Yup, but worth it!

We guarantee it – you will learn more and get further in your practice by listening to your teacher, trusting in their expertise and checking your ego than you ever will by busting out into fancy yoga poses.

“Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, spirit over ego, others over self.” – Dean Jackson

by Joanna Thurlow of Modo Yoga Halifax

Learning to grieve with a little help from my friend- Yoga

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I’ve been wondering how to start this post for awhile now. How do I explain how yoga can help people grieve? How it can help people process. How it can help someone come out of the tunnel and not only see the light, but move in to and through the light. I finally realized I can’t talk about how it can help other, because everyone grieves differently. However, I can explain how it has helped me.

My family has unfortunately experienced two losses which have hit close to home. We lost a child to miscarriage at 14 weeks, and most recently experienced a stillbirth close to 22 weeks. The term ‘stillborn’ still doesn’t feel right to me, but clinically there’s no better term. Our son Watson was born with a beating heart, but lungs too immature to allow him to breathe. He was born just shy of the 23 1/2 week ‘cut-off’ for hospital staff to jump in and help him breathe, providing support until his lungs were strong enough to take the job over for themselves. He was born beautiful, with a chest that I saw move with each heartbeat, with a heart that I felt beat through the tips of my fingers, with an arm that he curled up in to his chest as he laid in my arms. He looked like his dad, he had toes like his sister, he had a nose like his mom.

This was a child that danced in my belly when I practiced yoga. While in the hospital for over 2 weeks I would be asked several times a day if I felt much movement. My answer was always “a little bit”, but nothing compared to what I felt before I had arrived there. You see, it was when I practiced yoga that he practiced moving his little body the most.

When Watson died a piece of my heart shattered. I came home and tried to settle in to my new life – a new life because of large piece of me had been lost to never return. I would never be the same. It took me a week to return to my mat at home. For the first week of practice, I would settle in to childs pose and cry. Eventually I was able to extend one leg back into pigeon, then the other. It’s amazing how the body moves to what it needs the most. Most of my practice that first month was a tribute to hip openers. Heart always closed over my mat I would allow my hips, which have always held emotion, to open. The more they opened, the more it hurt… the more I cried.  Then one day, my sweet little beacon of light walked up to me as I was in melting heart, and said “Mommy, look!”. She was in tree pose. This amazing little soul, who intuitively knows so much, showed me where I had to go. I pulled myself up and stood in tree with her. She looked up at me with innocent eyes and a brilliant smile, and I smiled back. I smiled as I stood tall, confident, and strong. Without thinking I swept my arms up overhead, and Norah followed as she always does. We moved in to crescent moon. I felt my ribs expand and my breath instantly began to deepen. I knew in that instant what I had to do. Just as Watson had learned to move his little body when I practiced, I had to re-learn my life as I knew best – with movement.

When I started to return to Modo Yoga Cambridge I would find a spot near the back, behind someone else’s mat. Though I had once again become comfortable moving within my body, I wasn’t comfortable seeing myself in the mirror. It was difficult going from looking at myself in the studio with a noticeably pregnant belly to seeing myself postpartum. So, I hid. When I taught, I would stand at the front of the room, and look everywhere except at my reflection. I wasn’t ready.

On a particularly emotional day, without thinking about my actions, I arrived at the studio. It was empty, as I knew it would be, and I found myself standing alone in 1500 square feet of silence, two feet from the mirror, on my mat. Chin lifted, I looked in my eyes and started to move. I started with my breath and allowed that breath to carry me through 1 hour of heat, sweat, cries and flow. My practice that day ended with a supported savasana, shoulders back, chest open to the heavens, hands over heart, tears streaming down my face. I cried not tears of sadness, though those do come and go, but tears of acceptance. Yes, our Watson died and it is incredibly sad, but a piece of the heartache chipped away that day making room for love. Love for myself, my husband, my Norah, my family and friends.

I rolled up my mat that day a different person than who I was when I unrolled it an hour prior. Losing Watson will always hurt. I will always miss who he was when he was with me, and the hopes I had for who he would become. I find comfort knowing that every time I step on my mat, he is there with me. His spirit moves and breathes with me now as his body did while he was living inside of me.

There is no end to the grieving process, at least not mine. I have great happy days, sad days, and in-between days.The studio has offered me a healing space where I can be myself and let my emotions roll as they will. Why not? We have all suffered some loss. We all experience some sadness and heartache. The Moksha community I continue to return to has proven that we are there for one another in happiness and sadness, and most importantly that it is okay to be human – because we all are.

So here I am, 4 days shy of 7 months after his birth, a new person. A new mother, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, and business partner. Most importantly, a person whose reflection I can look at and know that while it carries a story, it carries love.

Christine Grant runs Modo Yoga Cambridge with her wonderful partners, Emily & Wendy Dwornikiewicz. She spends her days dreaming, teaching, exploring the outdoors with her pooches, and going on adventures with her sweet little tyke. As the sun starts to set she is likely to be enjoying a backyard BBQ, some good cheese, and a great glass of wine. Follow Christine on Instagram – @trueyogamom