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Tag: Goals

Taking On My Anxiety

Posted on by hamiltonadmin

Day in and day out, anxiety in its many forms, has been spread across the pages of magazines, of our social media newsfeeds, and has been the topic of many talk shows and other public forums. Anxiety has become a mainstream modern-day aliment plaguing many of the general populous with symptoms ranging from paralyzing and debilitating fears to a nagging feeling that stops them from social functions, or other situations. I did not think this applied to me until quite recently, when I came to the realization (like a smack across the face) it is a little more prevalent than I let myself believe.

Truth be told, there has been a weird sense of fear that has crept into the edges of my daily activities that has slowly stopped me from participating in certain activities that would not have bothered me prior.

This feeling started around the time I had my first son, and I just brushed it aside that my life was now to protect him and that is why I no longer wanted to do things that may be perceived as dangerous. Prior to my son being born, I loved facing fear, I couldn’t wait to skydive, I wanted to go bungee jumping, and I LOVED, I mean I really LOVED roller-coasters. It was as if a switch flipped the second I became a Mom. It crept in slowly, but set its everlasting claws in me and held on for dear life. It was like a dark shadow that loomed around my daily life, and when I ignored it, it got bigger and bigger.

It wasn’t until my daughter was born and was a little older that it started to embarrass me and I became aware that my family was going to start to notice. We went to Walt Disney World, and this was the first time the kids were able to go on ‘big’ rides. Mikayla and the boys wanted to go on the Tower of Terror, it had been mentioned a couple of times throughout the trip and I was relieved every time our plans veered in another direction.

We had planned to go see the Indiana Jones performance and when we got there, there was a ‘cast member’ at the entrance letting everyone know they were sorry they had to cancel the show; but had a front-of-the-line ticket to whatever ride we wanted to go on. Immediately, the kids knew exactly what they wanted to do, and dreed started to bubble up in my stomach. Keep in mind, my anxiety was relatively low at this point, and easy to swallow back down. Mikayla started to have second thoughts, and it was really cute because we were paired with a US cheerleading team who were there for a competition but taking a break to enjoy some rides. They cheered Mikayla on, and I knew I had to go through with the ride and not let on about my fears because I wanted to Mikayla to face HERS.

It was on this trip, I became keenly aware something fundamentally changed within the function and chemistry of my brain. I started to do some research and learned that it is relatively normal not to want to participate in activities that can be perceived to be dangerous after having a baby. It is a topic of discussion on a few mom boards and eased my sense that something was ‘wrong’ with me. So again, I pushed these feelings deep down.

On January 5th, my alarm went off at 3:45 am and almost immediately, my anxiety began. There was this gnawing feeling of doom followed by imagery of fiery crashes and tragedy. With my Lorazepam firmly tucked away, right beside Mikayla’s ear medication, my entire family made their way to the airport. I was elated to share an unforgettable journey to Costa Rica with them and could not wait for the experiences we would go on together. **EDIT – The experiences THEY would go on together because my anxiety has reached an all-time high.

My lists of fears now include and are not limited to:

  • flying
  • Going into the Ocean – at all
  • Heights
  • Snakes
  • Horseback Riding – did I mention I took lessons for YEARS – like literally YEARS
  • Being on a boat
  • being on a boat in rough water
  • Scuba diving (obviously)

And the list goes on.

I sat idly by watching my husband and children surf, IN COSTA FUCKING RICA, go cliff jumping, swing off of jungle vines, go horseback riding on the beach at sunset and snorkeling (and I had literally convinced myself that Josh was not coming back). For EVERY SINGLE one of these activities I had a very solid reason not to participate, all of them compete and absolute bullshit.

On the plane ride home, I was so disappointed with myself. My anxiety and fear skyrocketed every time we hit a rough patch of air. This all confirmed something for me, I was DONE. 2019 will be the year that I face my anxiety, instead of hiding from it. 2019 will be the year I face my fears!

hansen-rix family in the water

Don’t get me wrong, I have done a lot of really brave things, I have quit a comfortable job and took a leap of faith, I have married the love of my life on an absolute whim, I decided to go back to school three weeks into the course! I am brave, and I have the courage to take the harder path, but now is the time I face fear with both eyes wide open. Now is the time I will embrace the sweaty palms, my heartbeat in my ears, my hands that constantly and consistently give me away by shaking.

And please understand, I am not implying that anxiety is something that you can just get over, I am not implying that there aren’t people who need medication to survive their anxiety. I understand this can be so much bigger and I am not belittling that in ANY WAY.

I am simply saying today I am no longer being a slave to this, I am ready to fight back.

A Dragon Slayer’s Journey to Yoga and What That Looks Like

Posted on by hamiltonadmin

Teachers and students alike all have different reasons why they arrive on their mats. For some, it is battling an old injury, for others, it is their defence to battle negativity and stress. Often the very thing that brings a student to practice, is not what keeps them coming back.

For one student, Kyle Andrew, landing on his mat is actually for work! You see, Kyle is an actor and doing his own stunts, his career can be very physically demanding. Adopting a practice of mostly SSU classes, he comes to his mat to repair and prepare his body for whatever might be around the next bend … even if it is a dragon!

More from Kyle:

kyle the dragon slayerWhen you are called into a meeting and told that the world needs you, that you must prepare for battle, become Dragonborn and save the world from an onslaught of dragons, you would imagine that about a million thoughts go racing through your head. Me? I had only one: I need to step up my yoga game. Allow me to explain.

When I was cast to play the hero in Sony’s global launch campaign for their Skyrim VR game, I learned immediately that the role would be very physically demanding. I would be learning sword fighting, performing my own stunts (both firsts for me) and doing so while wearing a very heavy and stiff costume. Now, I am not a 20-year-old man anymore, and it occurred to me that the physical demand being placed on my body would require careful preparation. My weight training intensity was increasing in the month leading up to the shooting days, my diet was changing, I was going on long exhaustive hikes wearing a 30lb weighted vest. But all any of that was doing was breaking me down. I needed to heal and recover from that schedule. And for that I doubled down on my yoga practice, specifically the SSU classes offered at Moksha.

I began attending classes 3-4 times per week instead of my usual once or twice. I realized early on that the pliability of my body was going to be the key to getting through this unscathed. And I was right; the SSU classes were the perfect compliment to the hectic and intense schedule. The hot yoga sessions aided my recovery from the other training greatly. Further, being on that mat so many times each week kept me centred and focused mentally, and with so many moving parts in a production like that, finding mental calmness may have been the most important aspect of all.

Flying through the air and being jerked by the crane cables (yes I was jumping off a cliff, that wasn’t green-screened) can wreak havoc on your spine, I’m guessing. But not mine. I was ready. And long nineteen hour shoot days wearing a heavy costume can take its toll, but if you haven’t seen a Dragon Slayer perform a pigeon pose in a barren post apocalyptic landscape, then you haven’t lived. I made it through one rehearsal day and two very long shooting days (thirteen hours and nineteen hours) unscathed, and of everything I did to prepare for that shoot I have Moksha Yoga Hamilton to thank the most.

With a hectic and unpredictable lifestyle, my practice centres me and brings me calm amidst chaos. Namaste.

(Originally published January 30, 2018)

One Student’s Journey Through the 30 Day Challenge

Posted on by hamiltonadmin

I’ll be honest, after my first Challenge in November 2015, I felt like I’d been mixed up in a blender along with lots of sweaty yoga pants and towels. On November 30th, 2015, I didn’t think I’d ever do another Challenge because, geez, it’s hard for so many reasons!

Yogi with dog.I’ll admit, I’m an introvert by nature. I’m happy to show up, do my thing, and then go home.  Social situations like the end of challenge potluck we had that year are overwhelming for me sometimes. So as we got into October 2016 and the buzz began about November’s challenge, I had firmly decided that I wouldn’t be participating.

But then, as is often the case in life, something unexpected happened. A photo of my dog taken during the 2015 Challenge was used for the November 2016 Challenge. Dexter was the ‘I’m down, dog’ dog in the newsletter and on posters in the studio (ok, I was in the photo too). Suddenly thrust into the glow of the Modo Yoga Hamilton spotlight, people recognized me and started talking to me at the studios, and I was gently? nudged into having conversations with people I wouldn’t have talked to before due to my introverted-ness.

My plan to never do another challenge went out the window when I signed up to be part of a group of people doing a common activity with a common focus. It gave me the opening to chat with others as we compared notes on fitting in classes and how to survive 30 days of laundry (sweaty laundry is the real challenge if you want to know the truth!). So I successfully completed my 30-Day Challenge, which, for me was attending 30 classes. For others, it was increasing their overall attendance, or trying each type of class at least once; and when we got to the end, I went willingly to the end of challenge party and I chatted and laughed and felt invigorated.

The funny thing is, I only brought Dexter that day as a means of diverting attention from me in the photo. I don’t know if, when Amy decided to use that photo, she had any idea of the change in direction she would send me in.

Now I look forward to the next class and the next event, and yes, the next 30-Day Challenge…. with my friends.

(Originally published October 4, 2017)

Student Life Can Be Hectic – But There’s Yoga For That!

Posted on by hamiltonadmin

Front desk staff, Anisha, tells us about her journey to her mat and what that meant and looked like for her.

What does Modo mean? To some, it means salvation or freedom. For others, it means a safe place to exercise and practice yoga. To me, Modo means family.

This summer I was given the incredible opportunity to become a full-time member of the MYH community by working at the front desk. I have been practicing at MYH Dundas since 2012 and I’ve always felt like there was something special about coming into the warm studio being surrounded by even warmer faces greeting me before and after classes. It was my escape from the cold, my escape from reality; it was a mini-vacation (it was certainly hot enough to be one!).

As a full-time student during the year, I can never make it to my mat as much as I’d like so I decided that this summer I was going to change that. Since I’d be coming into the studio almost every day to work, I thought I would just do a class (or two, or three) around each of my shifts to get back into the habit of practicing. I set a goal to complete 100 classes before school starts in September. I completed almost 70 classes during my 3 months of practice. Every time I was in the studio someone asked me how my 100-class challenge was going. It amazed me to see how supportive everyone at MYH was, whether it was a student, staff member, or teacher (especially since everyone comes to their mat with different intentions).

Each smiling face motivated me to come in for more classes to ultimately make my goal. Although I couldn’t successfully complete my summer goal, I was proud of my efforts of even making it to my mat in the first place because it was 70 more classes than I probably would’ve done before.

Sometimes the challenge comes in being able to accept the fact that we can’t always complete every goal we set for ourselves. Or we may even need to learn to change our goals in the process to make it something more attainable to achieve. I have seen many mental, physical, and spiritual changes in myself due to my steady practice this summer; changes that never would’ve occurred without having yoga in my life. Although I had to change my perspective and change my goal, I didn’t give up or lose, I’m still a spiritual warrior, a spiritual winner, and know that I have the MYH family supporting me every step of my journey!

About the Author:

Anisha started practicing yoga 5 years ago in 2012, when she was just 15 years old.  She turned to yoga to help keep her grounded, focused and giving balance to a hectic school schedule. Now, a full-time student at McMaster University, she uses yoga to destress!  Anisha refers to her hour in the hot room as a ‘mini-vacation’ for her mind.  She also loves that yoga is a great exercise for the body.

(Originally published September 12, 2017)